Binary Sunset

I found this image from NASA's website (link) when I googled Binary Sunset. When I was googling Binary Sunset, I was going through a college fueled mental breakdown. I have a choice. Between the UC system, NYU, and USC. I am not even going to mention Loyola Marymount University because my family has no clue what that is. I am not even trying to enlighten them about it. So, as I was having a panic attack (this happens only when I have a deadline) I turned to John. John Williams. And listened to the entire Star Wars soundtrack to the chagrin of my neighbors (probably) and to the delight of my childhood desire that I would get into USC's film program. I have been fostering a desire to go to USC since I was fourteen. That was when I discovered The Usual Suspects and began to believe in Bryan Singer. That dream really is a "childhood" dream because I held on to it for so long. And besides, four years does change a person a lot. I grew up but some things did stay the same. Fortunately.

I am so glad I moved on from the lame analysis that Bryan Singer does with the "alienation" theme and have grown attached to Charlie Kaufman's style. But that doesn't mean I won't analyze something that is pretty obvious. At this moment in my life, I am going through what Luke went through. I am on Tatooine looking at the two setting suns. I am about to go on this amazing journey and I have no idea where it will lead me. Yeah, cliched. Whatever. All I know is that tuition will be a hem hem- a problem. Not a big problem, but still an annoying problem.

I need Yoda. And cash.

White Dress

I lack dexterity. My fingers are the most uncoordinated part of my body. I can grab things and write and type, but play piano? I learn how to extend my fingers and then I forget. Besides really sucking at the piano, I can't stitch or sew. One minute the needle and thread is on the line then next, it is an inch away. This presents quite a challenge.

During this obsessed clothing period, I have fallen in love with rigid, stiff, and white dresses. In a way, this dress will hopefully channel all that I find perfect and unattainable. It will hopefully be the dress of the most rigid and cold woman who people respect but are afraid of. Somehow, Estella managed to rub off on me. Plus I love the formality of the dress. But it is only an idea and a sketch as of right now! I am really quite fond of clothes that project a sense of power. My closet is full of suits and jackets. But how could anything so soft and innocent look so cold?

Because I myself lack any skills, I am very glad my mother has volunteered to help me. This may eventually come down to her sewing while I watch X-files but hopefully it won't!

I really hope to make something similar to these:


Taken from style.com Chanel Spring 2009 Couture.

Anyone know any good sewing sites?

Rouge and Chanel

Lately I have been obsessed with beauty. And because I am addicted to going online, I had to check out all the amazing blogs about beauty and clothes. Lately I wanted to look like Veronica Lake or Lauren Bacall. Or this:



I pulled it from Blogdorf Goodman and am now interested in Gilda. Rita Hayworth (who also has this sultry look) sang the song which was featured twice in the film. I hate it when I go through these beauty phases. Just a few hours ago I was trying on all my red lipstick from a bright "pepper" color to a more darker burgundy. So far I am digging the burgundy look. It makes me look like I just (perfectly) smeared my lips with blood.

Eva Green owns the vamp look. She has the perfect pale skin, black hair, and the loveliest eyes. I however am cursed with a California tan and highlights in my hair. I should not go outside so often now! At least not without protection for my legs. I am glad it is not summer yet. I can still wear pants and dark leggings. My legs are healing very quickly so maybe in two weeks time I will be able to wear this:

Hmm.

Oooze Gonna Save Us?

Two weeks ago, I went mountain climbing through overgrown vegetation. There were many ice plants and strange orchid varieties and raspberry plants. I thought the only thing I had to worry about was the thorns, but a week later, I developed a rash. Turns out there was poison oak in that area. So now, I am experiencing for the first time, the oozing, the pain, the itching, and the bumps. It looks a lot more disgusting than that time I almost lost my finger. And at least back then I did not want to scratch my legs off.
At the same time, I am suffering from particularly nasty weather. It's too hot for my legs yet it's so cold for my hands that they have started to crack. It's pretty red and bloody. I have blood on my hands, so to speak. AT least it doesn't ooze.

The Best Brain Fart

Last night, I had this amazing brain fart. It was truly a great event. I was on my bed, reading Mrs. Dalloway and thinking about a narcissistic girl when suddenly... I realized what I had to do to a story I had been developing for a few months. Fantastic! I was reminded of a war documentary and suddenly everything clicked. Going back to my last post, where I said being in the middle of a war zone has a much more alive feeling, I realized what really pushed the character. Ah love this moments!

Watching Post Modern Prometheus just reawakened my love for X-files. I saw I Want To Believe and thought it was an okay film. I expected aliens and monsters and got religion instead. Today, I finished watching an episode and it was pretty funny and campy. That particular episode was a real departure from the original setting and tone, but it still proves how awesome Chris Carter is.

With no loving in our souls, no money in our coats

I always tell people that in order to know happiness, we need to understand pain and suffering. To be content is a substitute, but it's not the real thing. My family has an issue with me on whether watching films make me happy or just leave me content. They consider it a brain numbing drug. I consider it a chance to step into another person's place and experience the drama and the pain. I have an addiction to movies with intense scenes. Living in such a dry ordinary setting, I feel a bit hollow. Those intense scenes let me delve into a person's mind who is probably thinking How do I survive? What if I die?, instead of I need to be successful.





I'd rather be Ed Norton with the IKEA products, but savings lives and possibly humanity seems less depressing. And not as boring.

When it comes to relationships, do people prefer passion (with happiness/suffering) or contentment? When I read Mrs. Dalloway, I could understand her indecision. She is content being with this one man, but is frustrated as well. It's hard to decipher which is better.

Daffodil Bulbs

Today after I was done with all my work, I decided to go and plant daffodil bulbs. It was a lot of fun and it turned out that I did not have enough space to plant all the bulbs. Though it will probably take another year before I start seeing yellow and white again, the leaves are beautiful and as of right now, they don't really look like anything. It's buried in dirt.

I realized that I am addicted to the Pan's Labyrinth Soundtrack. I recently bought a few songs from The Clash, but I haven't really been listening that much to them. Instead, I have been listening to all those sad lullabies. I think I'm a sucker for sad dramatic music. Give me something tense and haunting and I'll buy it right away. John Tavener did it and I bought it. I bought this a year ago and I still love it. What really makes a movie memorable, aside from a great script and great acting, is the music. Usually great movies have great atmospheric music which adds to the emotional value of the scene. Children of Men is an amazing road journey. John Tavener's music is an integral part of it. Without the haunting religious music, the sense of emptiness and despair lessens. I don't think I'll ever be a composer but I sure love listening to the music!