With no loving in our souls, no money in our coats

I always tell people that in order to know happiness, we need to understand pain and suffering. To be content is a substitute, but it's not the real thing. My family has an issue with me on whether watching films make me happy or just leave me content. They consider it a brain numbing drug. I consider it a chance to step into another person's place and experience the drama and the pain. I have an addiction to movies with intense scenes. Living in such a dry ordinary setting, I feel a bit hollow. Those intense scenes let me delve into a person's mind who is probably thinking How do I survive? What if I die?, instead of I need to be successful.





I'd rather be Ed Norton with the IKEA products, but savings lives and possibly humanity seems less depressing. And not as boring.

When it comes to relationships, do people prefer passion (with happiness/suffering) or contentment? When I read Mrs. Dalloway, I could understand her indecision. She is content being with this one man, but is frustrated as well. It's hard to decipher which is better.

Suffering because of apathy

I am currently eating airplane peanuts- the ones air stewardesses hand out as a snack, while drinking somewhat fresh orange juice. All that's missing is the plane. I think I am really am just ready to go anywhere. This perfectly coincides with the fact I will be leaving in August to live somewhere else and before that in June to go to Singapore. I'll probably move to Los Angeles, but I am not ruling out New York or San Diego. However this urge to leave this cozy town of "Pleasantville" is making less attentive and really more lethargic. Today I slept for three hours just for the sake of sleeping. I used to do this a few years back when I felt depressed and over stressed. I fear that it may come back. EURGH, FOUR MORE WEEKS DAMMIT!!! Until I am released from one duty and can finally enjoy more freedom.

I am currently prepping for that "music video." I also wrote a story about the meaning of flowers. It's supposed to be short, cute, and romantic. Perfect for Valentine's day which unfortunately passed by pretty quickly. I don't really like the bouquet of roses most stores have to offer, instead, I prefer flowers that really reflect the mood of the relationship between the two people or something to symbolize the person's personality. I love the meaning behind Edelweiss- daring and noble courage. It is a characteristic my friends and family describe me, but most of all, it's what I try to find in others. I've mostly used my "courage" in dangerous situations but most of the time I'm pretty awkward and daydreaming. Well I guess having to courage to stand up for oneself counts as well, but the idea of going on stage still frightens me. The character in my story, as of right now named Virginia, but it will most likely change, is getting ready for a date. While she gets dressed, puts makeup on and runs through her home, she is reminded of the past and why she hopes her date will surprise her though she is not sure he will be able to. For that, she gets a forsythia as she gets ready.

Geez, maybe I'm a romantic. Strange because I have mostly identified myself as an anti romantic person. Titanic made me fall asleep, Moulin Rouge made me sad because somebody died, and well this! Yeesh, I got to watch Fight Club again.

I really do.

Just Dropped In

The Coen Brothers have always surprised me with their insane movies. One part of the movie The Big Lebowski is always hilarious and surreal- the "Jackie Treehorn production- Gutterballs."

Enough with that.

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Instead of working on that Narcissus project and that Grandpa story, I decided to try writing a story based on a song. Alfonso Cuaron was inspired by Frank Zappa's "Watermelon in Easter Hay" to write Y Tu Mama Tambien. After listening to Marianne Faithfull's "As Tears Go By" and Andrew Oldman Orchestra "The Last Time" I came out with something less erotic than Mama.