A Few More Days Left

I am bored. Very bored indeed. And I think I have a writer's block. Every time I try to think of something to add to the many collection of stories I have, I end up writing useless garbage about what type of food I hope to eat.

I just bought two sheer tops and one jean skirt. I have no idea what to do with those two shirts. Hopefully I will use them. Probably most likely not. What a waste of thirty dollars.

Summer Time

I'm back! I haven't seen this blog for a few months. I guess it comes with the fact that I was being a real slouch and couch potato suffering from senioritis. Well, I decided to walk to the computer and start typing again. However, the walk to the computer is actually a 10,000 mile trip from my nice cozy home to a little place called Jakarta. While looking at food blogs today, I realized that I have a blog as well. And while no one reads it, it's a great place for me to put my ideas in a very organized place. If only I could just include the ideas and get rid of the crap. Oh, shit. The possibility of me just coming up with ideas without some philosophical or absurd shit is really humanly impossible.

So, here I am in Indonesia. Way too cynical for a supposedly relaxing vacation. Well, that's what I was thinking would happen when I was way too bored in California. I am not relaxed. To be honest, a few weeks ago I had a panic attack. Unfortunately and stupidly for me, I informed some of the closest people about what I was panicking about. They too, started to panic with me and it soon became a case of the sky falling. I think I might as well keep my obsession with films a secret as my friends and family will be going apeshit on me the moment I let that truth out.

Every day, I am stuck in my relatives' office space. It's quite big, but it's still a prison. My one escape is the internet and the awesome IPod Touch that they have no idea how to use. I am unsuccessfully trying to teach them about it, though. I am now addicted to Reddit, Fazed, Facebook, My Parents Joined Facebook, We Have Lasers!!!!, and True Blood. My idea of the perfect vacation is thus, ruined.

What makes it worst is that fact my relatives and friends are religious. Since Jakarta is such a really awful place if you need transportation, I am stuck with them. I can't drive here; I will probably crash into a motorcyclist and have massive road rage. So, I have to accompany them to church. While I find the entire idea of having billions of fans who worship and never question their faith to be intriguing, I really am not a church person. I never really grew up with a certain religion or a certain God. My parents left me to decide for myself. I am very glad that at least one of my relatives shares my point of view, however, the rest of my relatives and friends here are quite the opposite. I have had six arguments so far about religion, mainly because my relatives have been trying to get me baptized. Thus the reason I am on the computer or any glowing rectangle.

Vacation blows. I can't wait to go home, get to a pool, and start reading books. And watching movies. God knows how much I love movies.

Binary Sunset

I found this image from NASA's website (link) when I googled Binary Sunset. When I was googling Binary Sunset, I was going through a college fueled mental breakdown. I have a choice. Between the UC system, NYU, and USC. I am not even going to mention Loyola Marymount University because my family has no clue what that is. I am not even trying to enlighten them about it. So, as I was having a panic attack (this happens only when I have a deadline) I turned to John. John Williams. And listened to the entire Star Wars soundtrack to the chagrin of my neighbors (probably) and to the delight of my childhood desire that I would get into USC's film program. I have been fostering a desire to go to USC since I was fourteen. That was when I discovered The Usual Suspects and began to believe in Bryan Singer. That dream really is a "childhood" dream because I held on to it for so long. And besides, four years does change a person a lot. I grew up but some things did stay the same. Fortunately.

I am so glad I moved on from the lame analysis that Bryan Singer does with the "alienation" theme and have grown attached to Charlie Kaufman's style. But that doesn't mean I won't analyze something that is pretty obvious. At this moment in my life, I am going through what Luke went through. I am on Tatooine looking at the two setting suns. I am about to go on this amazing journey and I have no idea where it will lead me. Yeah, cliched. Whatever. All I know is that tuition will be a hem hem- a problem. Not a big problem, but still an annoying problem.

I need Yoda. And cash.

White Dress

I lack dexterity. My fingers are the most uncoordinated part of my body. I can grab things and write and type, but play piano? I learn how to extend my fingers and then I forget. Besides really sucking at the piano, I can't stitch or sew. One minute the needle and thread is on the line then next, it is an inch away. This presents quite a challenge.

During this obsessed clothing period, I have fallen in love with rigid, stiff, and white dresses. In a way, this dress will hopefully channel all that I find perfect and unattainable. It will hopefully be the dress of the most rigid and cold woman who people respect but are afraid of. Somehow, Estella managed to rub off on me. Plus I love the formality of the dress. But it is only an idea and a sketch as of right now! I am really quite fond of clothes that project a sense of power. My closet is full of suits and jackets. But how could anything so soft and innocent look so cold?

Because I myself lack any skills, I am very glad my mother has volunteered to help me. This may eventually come down to her sewing while I watch X-files but hopefully it won't!

I really hope to make something similar to these:


Taken from style.com Chanel Spring 2009 Couture.

Anyone know any good sewing sites?

Rouge and Chanel

Lately I have been obsessed with beauty. And because I am addicted to going online, I had to check out all the amazing blogs about beauty and clothes. Lately I wanted to look like Veronica Lake or Lauren Bacall. Or this:



I pulled it from Blogdorf Goodman and am now interested in Gilda. Rita Hayworth (who also has this sultry look) sang the song which was featured twice in the film. I hate it when I go through these beauty phases. Just a few hours ago I was trying on all my red lipstick from a bright "pepper" color to a more darker burgundy. So far I am digging the burgundy look. It makes me look like I just (perfectly) smeared my lips with blood.

Eva Green owns the vamp look. She has the perfect pale skin, black hair, and the loveliest eyes. I however am cursed with a California tan and highlights in my hair. I should not go outside so often now! At least not without protection for my legs. I am glad it is not summer yet. I can still wear pants and dark leggings. My legs are healing very quickly so maybe in two weeks time I will be able to wear this:

Hmm.

Oooze Gonna Save Us?

Two weeks ago, I went mountain climbing through overgrown vegetation. There were many ice plants and strange orchid varieties and raspberry plants. I thought the only thing I had to worry about was the thorns, but a week later, I developed a rash. Turns out there was poison oak in that area. So now, I am experiencing for the first time, the oozing, the pain, the itching, and the bumps. It looks a lot more disgusting than that time I almost lost my finger. And at least back then I did not want to scratch my legs off.
At the same time, I am suffering from particularly nasty weather. It's too hot for my legs yet it's so cold for my hands that they have started to crack. It's pretty red and bloody. I have blood on my hands, so to speak. AT least it doesn't ooze.

The Best Brain Fart

Last night, I had this amazing brain fart. It was truly a great event. I was on my bed, reading Mrs. Dalloway and thinking about a narcissistic girl when suddenly... I realized what I had to do to a story I had been developing for a few months. Fantastic! I was reminded of a war documentary and suddenly everything clicked. Going back to my last post, where I said being in the middle of a war zone has a much more alive feeling, I realized what really pushed the character. Ah love this moments!

Watching Post Modern Prometheus just reawakened my love for X-files. I saw I Want To Believe and thought it was an okay film. I expected aliens and monsters and got religion instead. Today, I finished watching an episode and it was pretty funny and campy. That particular episode was a real departure from the original setting and tone, but it still proves how awesome Chris Carter is.