Otherside

I have just traveled sixteen hours from Singapore back to the States. It is very early in the morning (or very late at night) and I still cannot sleep. I think the reason I cannot sleep is not all because of jet lag. I just found out that I had not completed some work that was due actually, a week ago, so I panicked. I had a meltdown in a sense. Because I felt that a year of what I worked on was wasted. So I cried for a while. Then I called this automated service and had what needed to be delivered. Done right?
No. I am still thinking about whether or not everything will be okay. Because, I am not feeling okay. I had a meltdown. Maybe it was not a meltdown, maybe just a moment of panicking, but since I labeled it as a meltdown, maybe it really is a meltdown. One reason I call it a meltdown-- I have experienced this same panic-induced feeling many times in my life. I have really have many "experiences," but I have experienced meltdowns all too often. In a way, maybe I am being too melodramatic, but I feel a knot inside of myself that indicates that I am stressed and unhappy.
The second reason came out of this indirect, more existential problem I have. After I did my best to sort things through and get rid of my worries, this problem popped up. I felt that if I live my life always worrying about getting things done on time and just surviving, then maybe, what is the point of living? I am not depressed. I feel as though I am just surviving though. There are certain things that I cherish and remember, but maybe those were distractions, or maybe holidays and vacations, from reality? I feel lost. I have no clue what I am doing and where I am going. I know where I want to go, but I do not know exactly how to get there.

In one scene of Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows, Harry is lying awake in his sleeping bag, remembering that just a few hours ago, he was at a wedding, having a wonderful time, and now, he is the most wanted criminal in the UK. That is exactly how I feel. Though, more grounded to my reality. It just shows how volatile and unexpected life can be.

Another Story

In another parallel universe, I think my alter ego would be a "cleaner." To some extent, I really do like the idea of becoming one, and in the more rational part of my brain, no way. I'd probably trip and fall on my own sword, erm dagger, gun, what not. I'll be the Laertes of assassins. That would be pretty awful.

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I really can't wait. I'm pretty much excited for the next three movies. I can't wait to see the Malfoy Manor scene and the Shell Cottage scene. It will be pretty much heart wrenching material- Harry watching helplessly as "Dobby's eyes fade" is one of the most realistic examples of the pain of losing loved ones. In Half Blood Prince, the use of Fawkes was really haunting. I hope the producers include that part.

"Look...at...me..." he [Snape] whispered.
The green eyes found the black, but after a second, something in the depths of the dark pair seemed to vanish, leaving them fixed, bland, and empty. The hand holding Harry thudded to the floor, and Snape moved no more."

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows by J. K. Rowling

And She Will Kiss the Clouds

Living in a very nice neighborhood puts a dampener on any whiner or complainer. So, myself living in a quite affluent place find it hard to relate to issues that others find so normal within their lives. After reading a nice "inspirational" article about following dreams, and hmm, a novel about an uncomprimising soul, well I figured I might as well write something to voice my opinions and to well, just for the heck of it. Plus, there is some lame script thing, but there are no specifications of how long it has to be. I am aiming that this post will cover at least 30 minutes of that script and inspire more scripts.

So...

Living a life without worries but filled with any possibility imaginiable is a life many covet. For many people living in a partiular area, this is what is defined as normal. Young children live with so much vitality and love. This is prevalent everywhere. However, when living amongst these "normal" people, these young children bloom into worry free teenagers. Teenagers are not worry free totally, still having to endure stress from school and studies. However the teens here have only that to basically worry about. The rest just does not exist. When these teens grow up, they finally become adults. Either these adults become shocked, thrown into an unknown world that they thought never existed before, or they adjust comfortably, already knowing so much that they have found a decent job. Either way, these young people are thrown into a different place, almost a different world. The comforts of home have lulled them into a false sense of security which is immediately taken away when the insurances decide to stop covering them, as a result of no longer being a "kid".

... also, as a note, something entirely unrelated, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows will be split in to two films.